To: The Pink Kid
by Metallic Snow
Summary: Lucy Heartfilia, a dying girl who longs to be normal, always knew that she had terrible health. But she ends up falling in love with a perfectly healthy boy, Natsu Dragneel, who is quite the daring boy, dying his hair bright pink. She yearns to be with him; however, knowing that starting a relationship with no future would only cause pain, she can only watch him from afar.


**Warning:** Some scenes are based on true events, so if you do not like non-fiction, feel free not to read it.

* * *

Dear Natsu Dragneel, _**July 1, X792**_

You always said that I was a mystery. You wanted me to tell you more about myself, but I constantly kept everything hidden. I was afraid, scared that you would treat me differently. You see, all I ever wanted was to be _normal_. But I wasn't.

I'm sorry that I never explained anything. I wanted you to keep thinking that I was just an ordinary person. But I realized that I shouldn't lie to you any longer. It was wrong of me to hide everything from the most important person to me. You told me to tell you my story, and I think you have the right to know me as the true person I really was since I had been so terrible to you. So here it is:

* * *

I always knew that I was born with terrible health.

My father's side of the family tended to die at young age. This was due to heart problems that went through the family line. Some of my relatives from my father's side always had high blood pressure, or hard times getting their heart to pump normally. My father was lucky and did not have any problems, except high blood pressure. Compared to his siblings, he was very fortunate.

My mother's side had problems with their intestines and had a high chance of getting cancer. For example, my own mother suffered from an inability to digest properly. That's right, she had constipation. This isn't funny, so if you are laughing, stop reading this now. I don't need anyone who laughs at someone's pain and illness.

Anyway, Mother had this problem since she was twelve-years-old. Sometimes, she would have trouble pooping due to the obstruction of her colon. She would vomit easily and constantly get sick. She also had a high chance of colon cancer, something my grandfather died from. Although my grandmother didn't have any colon problems, she died from ovarian cancer.

I, Lucy Heartfilia, was born on July 1, X774, daughter of Jude and Layla Heartfilia. Before I was given birth to, I was already presumed to die by a seventy percent probability. I had a sickness: myocarditis, an inflammation of the heart muscle. However, I was born and as an eighteen-year-old, I am still alive.

But because of that illness, I developed a heart problem. I always had a shortness of breath and a bluish color of the lips and skin (cyanosis) as a baby. My parents refrained from allowing me to get excited. Excitement, fright, happiness…they were things that were a danger to my heart because they would increase my pulse. The doctors and my parents always tried to hide the fact that I would probably die young. But, even as a toddler, I knew so much.

 _ **Fourteen years ago**_

Four-years-old. Preschool.

One of my first memories was at a doctor's office. As a four-year-old kid, I had to visit the doctor at least twice a week. I was in the office for a regular checkup to check how my heart was doing.

"Hi Lucy!" my doctor greeted. "How are you doing today?"

"Great!" I replied as she checked my pulse. The metal of her stethoscope sent a shiver through my spine as she pressed it gently to my heart. She began to talk to me, just like how an average adult would talk to a kid. After she was done checking up on me, she gave me those cheap "toys" that every little kid would get after an appointment.

I waited for my mother to take my hand and leave with me; however, for some reason, she and my doctor weren't leaving the room.

"Mommy…?" I asked. "Aren't we leaving now?"

Mother patted my back. "Mommy needs to talk to your doctor, so would you wait for me in the waiting room?" she asked with her kind voice.

I nodded and walked out of the room alone. However, out of curiosity, I pressed my ear to the door, trying to listen in the the conversation. To be honest, I couldn't hear much of it due to the thickness of the wooden door, but it was enough for me to hear what was going on. I can't really remember what they were talking about, but I do remember one sentence for sure:

"I'm sorry," my doctor said. "But… judging from her condition… if her heart condition doesn't get any better by the time she grows up, she probably won't make it to fifteen-years-old."

That's how I found out.

I could hear my mother breaking into tears. To be honest, I didn't cry. I guess I was much too shocked. I remember slowly walking away from the door and sitting in the waiting room. I just stared at the white ceiling. I was going to die. There was no future for me.

My heart beated in fright. Instantly, I felt a stab of pain in my heart. I tried to calm myself down. Being afraid would increase the rate of my pulse. I had to calm down.

But as a kid, I couldn't calm down. I was scared. I mean, anyone would be. It was natural to be afraid of death. Oblivion was scary after all. Nobody wanted to die early and experience the darkness of unconsciousness.

After that, I passed out and was sent to the hospital for surgery.

 _ **Ten years ago**_

Eight-years-old. Third grade.

"Hey Lucy," my best friend Levy asked during recess. "Why are you always skipping PE? It's not good for your grades, you know."

Levy McGarden, my best friend, even to this day. We met in kindergarten. I treasured her so much. I loved her and we were inseparable. She told me everything, but I didn't. I pretended to tell her everything. I wanted to tell her, but I didn't.

"I just don't like PE," I lied. "I hate exercise. Makes me sweat."

Levy pouted. "Hey, let's play tag with the others then! Sitting here is boring."

I cringed when she said that. I always kept it secret that I had an illness to my classmates. My reason may have been stupid, but to me it was legitimate. I didn't want people to treat me any differently. I didn't want any pity. All I ever wanted was… to be _normal_. And to do that, I lied to everyone, saying that I was fine. I was okay. I was _normal._ I was healthy like anyone else.

"You can go ahead of me, Levy," I replied. "I need to use the restroom."

Levy nodded as she ran off to the rest of our friends excitedly. I remember watching her with mountains of jealousy. I quickly walked over to the bathroom, slammed the stall's door closed, and sat on the toilet seat, crying.

 _I hate myself._

That was the first time that I had ever experienced hatred. Maybe even the first time I even thought of the word _hate_. I hated myself. I hated my lies. I hated my body. I hated _me_. I couldn't help but ask myself questions. _Why_ did I have to be born with this body? _Why_ couldn't I be normal? _Why_ couldn't I be like the other kids? _Why_ did I have to have this kind of health? _What_ did I even do to deserve this weak health? _Why_ couldn't I be born as someone else? _Why_ not someone else?

 _Why me?_

 _ **Eight years ago**_

Ten years old. Fifth grade.

My heart problems were starting to decrease by time. Well, they were still there, just not so apparent. I guess it was because I was getting physically healthier. My doctor's prediction of my death was wrong. I had a chance of living, a chance of a _future._ I started studying harder for my exciting _future._ I even started joining sports. My brother, Sting Heartfilia, and I would always run in the mornings together. Of course I didn't run as much as him, but I could run. Just like anyone else could. I was in a way, close to _normal._

Oh yeah, I guess I should tell you about my brother, right? My brother's name is Sting Heartfilia. He was born on December 12, X770. He was born healthy, perfect health. At least he was supposed to. As a three-day-old baby, my brother got an infection, which of course carried a huge danger of death. He did survive it though, but because of that event, he became a sickly child growing up.

But my brother had a passionate will to get stronger. Despite his sickly stature, he ran every morning, joined as many athletic teams at his school as he could, and in addition to that, he studied hard for a successful life that he always believed would happen. I always looked up to him. I wanted to be strong like him. Not necessarily physically, but mentally.

Anyway, enough about my brother. I'm writing to tell you about the me I never told anyone.

Ten years old was when I started noticing something odd as I ran in the morning with my brother. I began to get cramps, at least… that's what I thought. No, I don't mean the PMS kind of cramp. I mean the normal cramp anyone would get when running. You know, the ones right below your rib cage. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about, right?

But I could sense that there was something different about it. My cramp wasn't below my rib cage like a normal person. It was right above my right hip, sometimes above my left hip, which was not normal. Also, it was extremely painful. It was painful to the point where I couldn't even stand. However, I ignored it. I pushed my doubts away, assuming that it was just a normal cramp and I was just overreacting with the pain. I had always been sensitive to pain after all.

Little did I know that the little so-called "cramp" I was feeling was much more serious.

 _ **Seven years ago**_

Eleven-years-old. Sixth grade.

My heart condition seemed to be getting better day by day. Nothing was going wrong at all. It was as if the future was welcoming me with wide arms. It was perfect… until that day.

I was at school, walking to classes with Levy when suddenly, I felt that similar cramp above my right hip. Instantly, I dropped all my books and grasped onto my hip.

"Lucy?!" Levy screamed. She also dropped all of her books and grasped onto my shoulders. "Are you okay?!"

"Ugh…" I mumbled. The _cramp_ was killing me, literally. I tightened my grasp on my hip. It felt like a million knives, piercing through my flesh, then twisting my intestines around, making me scream in pain.

"Lucy?!" Levy cried. "Get ahold of yourself! Lucy!"

Levy's screams were attracting attention. I could feel stares looking at me. _Shoot,_ I thought to myself. I didn't want anyone all this attention. I was afraid. What if people found out about my poor health due to this condition?

I forced myself to stop screaming and I let go of my hip. I winced in pain, but I tried my best to hide it. "I'm fine, Levy," I lied, trying to reassure her. "I just hit my hip on the lockers."

But right after that lie, I felt the terrible pain again. I screamed again. I couldn't hide it. It was too painful.

"Lucy!" I heard my other classmates shout, gathering where I was screaming.

 _No! No!_ I kept thinking. _Get away from me!_

But I couldn't say it out loud. I was too much in pain to speak. My heart began to beat painfully in fear, making me scream in pain even more. Tears began to fall out of my eyes as I collapsed on the floor. I couldn't take the pain anymore. I began to feel dizzy and a bit feverish. The world just began to start spinning.

"Lucy!" I could hear my classmates and Levy yell. "Lucy!"

The world turned black.

* * *

I woke up, immediately recognizing the familiar white ceiling. _Oh… The hospital… again,_ I thought to myself. I turned my head around to see a red button. That button was something patients used to notify nurses when they were awake.

I decided not to press it for now. Slowly, I stood up, instantly feeling pain in my heart. It had been a while since I had an attack. But I ignored it and opened the curtains. The light immediately gathered into the lonely hospital room. The world really did look so beautiful. The flowers were budding beautifully in the spring. The cherry blossoms made the world look pink. How pretty.

 _This world is lying_ , I thought to myself for the first time. _It pretends to be beautiful even though in reality, it is so ugly and cruel._

"Miss Heartfilia!" suddenly I heard a nurse behind me cry. I immediately turned around to see her. "You aren't supposed to be up! Lie back in bed immediately!"

"Okay." Slowly, I walked back to my bed again and laid on it obediently. There was no point going against the nurse. She would find some way to get me to listen anyway.

I wondered how long I had been lying in the hospital unconscious. According to the cherry blossoms, it should have been around April. Last time I was awake, it was March, wasn't it? Dammit, I had been away from school for an entire month. How was I supposed to explain that to my classmates without telling them the truth?

I sighed as I laid my head back. The nurse clicked the red button, telling the doctor to come over, informing him that I was awake. The hospital was such a boring place. I hated it there. It was full of white, boringness, remorse, and tears. It was constantly noisy, full of business. It was impossible to get a good rest here. They might as well have sent me back home where it is quiet.

The doctor came in and gave me a check up. My parents and brother, Sting, came as well.

"Mister and Missus Heartfilia," the doctor said as he tapped his clipboard. "May I talk to you in private?"

My parents nodded.

"No," I said immediately to stop them from leaving. I knew what was happening. The doctor was going to talk to them about my condition. "It's my health, right?" I asked. "If it's about me, I think I have the right to hear about it."

My parents walked over to me, trying to calm me down. "Listen Lucy," Mother said. "Mom and Dad just have to talk to your doctor for a moment. So just wait here with your brother, okay-"

"No," I responded angrily. "I can't stand being the only person who doesn't even know about myself! So…," I looked over at my doctor. "Please tell me what's wrong."

My doctor looked at me. He looked so calm despite all of this. "If you think you are old enough to handle it, I could tell you right here."

I nodded. I believed that I could handle it. It was my right to know about my condition.

The doctor sighed. "Your heart condition has worsened a bit due to your attack," he said. "But what triggered that attack is what we should be focusing on."

What triggered it? I was confused.

"You felt pain above your right hip, correct?" the doctor said. "The pain you were feeling caused fright, which triggered your heart to increase in pulse, creating an attack."

My eyes widened. Now that I thought about it, before my heart began to hurt, I felt another one of those terrible cramps above my right hip. "You… You are right," I replied. "But that was just an ordinary cramp! Nothing more!"

The doctor walked over to me. He put down his clipboard on the table and placed his hand above my right hip. I looked at him in confusion. What was he doing?

Immediately, he pressed on the spot. I instantly felt a sharp pain spread throughout my body, making me scream in pain. Once he let go, the pain became worse. I panted in fright. What was that pain? It was similar to the cramp from earlier.

"If it were really just a cramp, it wouldn't hurt when I pressed you there," the doctor replied as if he read my mind. "We did a couple of x-rays while you were unconscious and found that you have _Crohn's Disease._ "

"Crohn's Disease?" I asked, a bit afraid. "What's that?"

The doctor looks at me, a bit hesitant to explain. "It's not a condition that is caused by inflammation or infection. It's just that you were a bit… unlucky due to the problems with intestines your mother's side has."

"So… what does that mean?" I asked.

"To put it in simple terms, your colon is expanding, or dilating. Because of this, gas and waste are building up in your colon," my doctor explains. "If this continues, your intestine may explode."

"E-Explode…?" I asked, my voice stuttering.

"Luckily we found out about this early, so you are safe… _for now,_ " he says. "But this disease is life threatening, Miss Heartfilia. We recommend you to quit all kinds of exercise. If you treat this long-term, you will have a better chance of surviving-"

From there, all my senses just seemed to stop. I couldn't hear what he was saying. I could only see his mouth move.

My heart felt as if it were just shattered in pieces.

I was supposed to have a future. My heart had finally started to get better. My whole body condition was better in general. I wasn't supposed to have another disease. Things were just getting better! Things were not supposed to end like this! Things were not… supposed to end like this.

Things were supposed to get _better_.

 _Why? Why?_ I kept thinking to myself. _I was supposed to have a future._

* * *

After that, I returned to school after another week of rest at the hospital and quit every kind of sport team I was on. I lied to everyone, saying that I broke my hip, which was why I was gone for so long. Luckily, no one was smart enough to know I was lying. The teachers who knew about my condition told me that it would be better that I told my classmates about my health issue so people would treat me with more care, but I refused. That was precisely why I didn't want other people knowing about the _real_ me. I didn't want to be treated differently from an ordinary student. I wanted to be _normal._ Just ordinary. Why couldn't any of my teachers understand that?

 _ **Four years ago**_

Fourteen. Freshmen Year.

It was my first day of high school. I was accepted to my dream school, Strauss High. My parents allowed me to continue school. But… I was about to lose hope for a future. What was the point of studying anyway? There wasn't much of a chance that I was going to live. I might as well have stopped studying and quit school. 4.0 GPA? What was the point of it if I was just going to die?

But just when I was thinking that, I heard a voice from a distance. It was the football team.

"Toss it here!" a certain pink head yelled, running toward my direction.

A football was thrown to him, but he was running too fast. If he kept on running, he would crash into me!

"Holy crap!" I screamed. "Watch where you're-"

But I was too late. That boy already crashed into me, sending me to the ground. Falling onto the ground with this heavy football player was the worst. I swear, he felt like a brick.

"Ah! Sorry!" the boy exclaimed. Quickly, he got off me and gave me his hand. "Are you alright?!" he cried.

"Ugh…" I groaned.

"I'm so sorry!" he yelled. "I'm Natsu Dragneel… and you are?"

That's right. The idiot boy who crashed into me… is the person reading this letter right now. You, Natsu Dragneel.

I took your hand. "Lucy Heartfilia…" I mumbled as I stood up. Then I looked at your face, stupidly grinning at me. To be honest, when I first saw you, I was amazed at the color of your hair, salmon pink. You really had the confidence to dye it that color, huh? I really looked up to that confidence of yours. And you know what? Looking at your hair color really gave me confidence myself. Because of you, I pushed away my thoughts and decided that maybe I would raise my confidence for the future and give school another chance.

After that, I began to walk to my new homeroom, thinking about that weird pink colored hair of yours. When I got there, I opened the door and my eyes widened to see who was in the same class as me.

Yup, it was you again, Natsu Dragneel.

"Hey!" you exclaimed. "It's Lucy!" You ran over to me, making that signature annoying grin. "What a coincidence! We're in the same class!"

I nodded. "Y-Yeah." I was never really good with talking with strangers, but from then on, everyday you would come over to my desk to mess around. I never knew why you always talked to someone as boring as me, but I was really happy. After a month of talking, you even started calling me your best friend. You had no idea how much that made me happy, Natsu. You really made this dying girl happy, haha.

Okay, maybe that wasn't funny, but whatever.

 _ **Three years ago**_

Fifteen-years-old. Sophomore Year.

My world seemed to just keep on twisting. Every year that passed, although my heart condition was getting better, my colon was not. It was only getting worse. I knew that if it got any worse, I would be admitted to the hospital for life.

Ew, what a scary thought, right? Let's not talk about that.

"Lucy!" you, Natsu Dragneel, shouted, running towards me. "Wanna play football with me?"

"Football?" I asked. I knew that I shouldn't. The excitement of playing a game would be bad for my heart, and running around to catch the ball would be bad for my colon. But… the sound of it… just sounded so wonderful.

"Yeah," you replied. "Come on, I'll teach you."

"I can't…" I mumbled, staring at the ground regretfully. "I don't do sports."

"Oh come on," you said with a pout. "You know what they say: _You can't fly if you don't try_."

My eyes widened when you said that. You probably didn't think those words meant much, but it did to me. _You can't fly if you don't try._ To me, it was as if you were saying that I shouldn't give up on having fun just because of my disease. I should try it before my death. Who cared if it would make my life shorter? I would rather live a short life filled with happiness, not a long life stuck in the hospital room.

So even though I knew I shouldn't have, I couldn't help but say _yes_.

You brought me to the football field, holding a football in your hands with that stupid grin of yours. You showed me how to position my hands to throw. When I finally started getting the hang of it, you began to play catch with me. Although running made my heart and colon hurt like crazy, it was so much fun. The aching pain for the first time… made me feel alive. For the first time, I felt _alive_.

Natsu, thank you so much for this memory. I always remembered it whenever I was alone. You saved me, you know. That day, **you saved my happiness.**

 _ **Two years ago**_

Sixteen-years-old. Junior Year.

It seemed like everyone was talking about college. College, this. College, that. The only person with no worries was you. Seriously, you should have thought more about your future instead of having fun all the time, Natsu. That was why your grades sucked.

Somehow, listening to all my classmates talk about college hurt. I guess I was jealous, because I didn't have much of a future, unlike them. I wasn't going to college. After high school, I was probably going to stay at the hospital. I doubted my condition was going to be getting any better. It was dangerous for me to be out any longer.

"Lucy!" the annoying you shouted, slamming your hands on my desk. "Let's go to the festival together."

"Festival?" I asked. "What for? Aren't festivals just full of fatty cheap foods?"

You made your signature stupid grin again. "Of course not!" you exclaimed enthusiastically. "There are games and fireworks and food and food and fo-"

"You said food two times already," I interrupted.

"But anyway!" you exclaimed. "Come on! Trust me, it will be fun!"

 _Fun…_ I thought to myself. I wanted to fill my life with the most fun as possible. "Fine," I replied. "Let's go."

* * *

The festival came and I waited by the vending machines. You were always late whenever we hung out. Like seriously, Natsu, come on time for once. You finally came, thirty minutes late. Once I saw your goofy smile again, I instantly forgave you. I didn't know what kind of magic you pulled out whenever you made that stupid smile, but it always seemed to make me forgive you no matter what you did.

"Come on Lucy!" you exclaimed. You took my hand for the first time. I was honestly surprised when I felt your hand. It was rough and full of cuts and blisters, showing how much work you put into football. I always admired that about you, how you put effort in everything you did (except academics. You really need to work on that.). I thought that was beautiful.

Ah, sorry. Calling a guy beautiful is weird, isn't it? But… I really did think that it was beautiful, those hands of yours.

You showed me around the festival. It was full of lights… and life. Actually, this was my first time going to a festival. My parents always prohibited me from going to them when I was a kid because they were worried that I would become too excited, making my pulse increase. You know what? They were right. I was way too excited. As I walked around with you, I constantly felt stabs in my heart.

But… I thought that it was okay. The pain wasn't as painful when I was with you. Instead of hurting me, it made me feel alive. The pain was proof that I was alive. That I existed. You showed me that, Natsu. I can't thank you enough.

As we walked around together hand in hand, suddenly we heard a burst in the air. And when we looked up, we saw fireworks! Crowds began to gather where we were standing! And we almost got separated due to the amount of people! Remember? Thank goodness we were holding hands or else we would have been screwed! Haha.

Soon there were so many people that I couldn't even see the sky anymore. I was way too short. But at that moment, you gave me your signature goofy grin again, saying, "Come on. I'll show you a secret place."

You led me to a empty park with a perfect view of the fireworks. I could feel my heart beat faster and faster from the thrill of watching the lights explode in the sky. I had never seen fireworks in such a secluded spot before. It was as if they were shot up in the sky just for you and me to see.

"You having fun, Lucy?" you asked me with your stupid grin.

"Yeah," I replied with a smile. "Thanks Natsu." That night, I think that I probably fell in love with you. I think it was because somehow, you would make me feel so energetic and lively despite my deteriorating health. You made me forget that I was dying even. You made my life so much better.

At that moment, I remembered something I thought when I was hospitalized as an eleven-year-old. _This world is lying_. _It pretends to be beautiful even though in reality, it is so ugly and cruel._

However, because you showed me such a beautiful place, my thoughts began to change, leaning more toward the positive side. Maybe this world wasn't lying after all. Maybe this world really was truly _beautiful_.

 _ **One year ago**_

Seventeen-years-old. Senior Year.

After school, suddenly my phone started to ring. I checked my screen to see that it was my best friend from kindergarten, Levy McGarden. After all this time, we were still best friends even though we went to different schools.

I picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Hey Lucy!" Levy exclaimed. "I was thinking, let's hang out! It has been a while. We should catch up."

"Yeah sure," I replied. I checked my calendar on my phone. "How about after school on Tuesday? We can meet in front of my school."

"Ah, sorry," she said. "I have work. I'm working at a nursery."

Already my best friend had a part-time job. Well, Levy always said that she loved kids and wanted to be an elementary school-teacher. I guess that she was already working toward her goal… her _future…_ without me.

"How about Saturday?" Levy suggested.

"Saturday?" I said. I was about to say yes when I remembered. My weekly doctor appointments were always on either Saturdays or Sundays. "Ah… Sorry, it depends."

"Depends on what?" she questioned, for some reason sounding a bit mad. "We need an answer, that's why."

"Uh…" I searched for excuses. "Personal issues."

"Like what?"

"Sorry…" I replied. "But it's personal…"

I could tell that Levy was getting suspicious at the other line. Usually, she always expected me to tell her everything, but for the first time (to her), I was keeping something from her.

"Then sorry Lucy, but I'm only free on Saturdays," she said, annoyed. I stayed silent. I don't know how to reply. Levy never sounded this angry before.

"Oh…," I mumbled. "Sorry."

"Are you even sorry? You just don't want to meet up, do you?" Levy said angrily. "You always make excuses not to hang and never tell me what's going on!

"No!" I exclaimed. "Levy, it's not that-"

But she hung up on me. I could feel my heart drop. She wasn't wrong. We haven't seen each other for almost a year now. Everytime she asked me to hang out, I'd always be busy visiting the hospital or resting at home. Mother and Father would usually not allow me to go outside and hang out with friends anyway. They were always worried that I would get too enthusiastic.

Also, it had been six years since I found out I had Crohn's Disease. It was getting harder and harder for me just to walk to class. It was best that I stopped hanging out after school.

I stared at my hand. How long was this life going to last? How long did _I_ have left? Those thoughts kept lingering in my mind. Then, I thought about my friends. What would they do if I died? Then they would find out that I actually had medical problems all this time.

So… how would I hide the fact that I died?

That's when I came up with an idea. It was brutal to my feelings, but it was the only way.

 _Make everyone hate me._

If I made every one of my classmates despise me, they wouldn't want to hang out with me anymore. Then, when they went to college while I was sitting in the hospital, they would forget about me. With that, they'll never know… that I died. Even if they did, they wouldn't be sad. They would just think some _jerk_ died. This way, no one would be sad. No one would cry for me. Everyone would be happy.

It was the perfect plan.

* * *

Starting the next day, every day at school, I would act like a total jerk. Whenever someone came up to me to talk, I would ignore them. I would swear and try my best to be as rude as possible… so people like you would hate me. And… slowly, my classmates stopped trying to talk to me.

Except for you, Natsu.

Even though I always ignored you whenever you tried to talk to me, every morning you would always tell me _Good Morning!_ You had no idea how happy I was to hear that every day. No matter how many times I tried to make you hate me, you always found someway to crawl back to me.

I remember one time after school, you stopped me at the entrance, grasping onto my wrist. "What's wrong, Lucy?" you asked. "Lately, you have been acting so weird. This isn't like you."

I wanted to cry so badly when you said that. I was tempted to tell you everything, everything about me. About my health, about how I was dying… about how scared I was. About how really I didn't want anyone to hate or forget about me. About how all I really wanted to be was _normal_.

"It's nothing," I stated with the most emotionless words I could pull up. But what I really wanted to say was, _stay with me._

"If you keep acting this way, everyone is going to hate you, you know," you said. "Bad rumors about you are already starting to spread!"

"Good," I said. "You should get away from me too. Or else people are going to make rumors about us." _Please don't hate me. Please don't leave me._

"I'm not going to go away!" you yelled at me angrily. "Why are you acting like this, Lucy?! I know that this isn't you."

I felt a lump in my throat. I wanted to cry so badly. But I didn't want you to see me cry. So I slapped your hand away from my wrist and walked away as fast as my legs could carry me. But what I really wanted to do was hug you, saying _thank you… for believing in me._

After that, everyday, you would still follow me. You didn't care about the rumors that followed. You just kept following me, believing that I was truly still a kind person.

 _ **One month ago**_

Seventeen-years-old. Graduation.

My doctors began to tell me that my health was beginning to deteriorate in a rapid rate. They recommended me to stay at the hospital, but I convinced them to allow me to go to my graduation. So that day, I only had a few hours left to breathe the fresh air. It was my last day of being free. Then it was to the cages of the hospital's white walls.

I remembered very clearly when I walked up the stairs to get my diploma. I lived, Natsu. I _lived._ My doctor told me in the beginning that I probably wouldn't live to be fifteen. When I received my diploma, I felt like I was screaming to the world, saying, _Look at me. I proved you wrong. I'm alive._

I didn't talk to anyone after graduation. I didn't have time to anyway. My parents were waiting for me outside with their car. I was about to walk over to the car, when suddenly you stopped me by grasping onto my wrist like you always did.

"Where are you going?" you said.

"Home," I lied.

"Aren't you going to stay for the party afterwards?"

"No."

"Why?" you asked me.

Why? How could I tell you? It wasn't like I could say, _I'm dying so I'm staying at the hospital for the rest of my life._ Even if I tried to explain my medical condition to you, your bird brain probably wouldn't understand what in the world I was saying.

I tried to pull my wrist out of your iron grip, but you were much too strong. "I won't let go of you until you tell me why," you said.

"Let go of me," I simply said.

"No."

"Let me go, Natsu."

"Then tell me why."

I couldn't stand it any longer. My eyes burned with tears trying to pour out. "Why do you even want to know?!" I screamed at him. "Why are you associating with me in the first place?! Everyone…everyone hates me and stays away from me. You should be staying away from me too! So why are you always following me like some freaking stalker?!"

"Because I love you."

"What?"

"Because I love you."

I felt like my world stopped right at that moment. The guy I liked actually liked me back. My heart began to beat dangerously. And the tears I was trying to hide for the past year just came pouring out all at once.

"Lucy?!" you exclaimed when you saw my tears. "What's wrong?!"

"Sorry, but I _hate_ you," I lied. _I love you. I love you so much._

Your grip on my wrist loosened right after I said that, so I took that chance to slap your hand away. Then I ran to my parents car. I can remember panting so hard. My colon and heart hurt so much. But this time, the pain didn't make me feel alive. It just reminded me about how I was going to die.

I slammed myself inside the car. Mother and Father asked me why I was crying, but I didn't say anything. I kept thinking about you the whole ride. How much I wanted to tell you _I love you_. How much I wished and yearned to be a normal girl. If I were normal, I could've dated you. We could have been happy. But… what was a point of a relationship if it was already guaranteed that it wouldn't last?

When we reached the hospital, immediately the nurses brought me to a hospital room. The running I did from earlier was making me weak. As they placed me on a wheelchair, I stared at the sky. Last minutes of freedom. After this, I would probably be stuck inside for the rest of my life.

The nurses pushed me inside my room and helped me change into the blue robes they had for patients. Then, after they laid me on the bed, they left me alone. I looked around. I always hated the hospital. It was full of negative sounds. The beeps of heart monitors, cries of the lost, screams of desperation, people who have lost hope… just sadness everywhere. It made me depressed just to stand there. It made me lose hope too.

But… just when I lost hope, I heard a familiar voice yell, "Lucy!"

Immediately, I spun my head around to see the pink hair that seemed to just pop up everywhere I went. It was _you_. Again.

"Lucy…?" you muttered. "What… What is this?" you asked, looking around my hospital room. Your eyes were wide. You stared at the fluids that were supposed to prevent shock in my body. Shock is an infection which caused blood pressure to decrease at a rapid rate.

I gulped as I gritted my teeth. My heart pounded nervously. "Why…?" I asked. "How? W-Why are you here?"

Your eyes glared at me angrily. "You tell me. Why are _you_ here?"

"It… It's not what it looks like!" I exclaim, sitting up from my bed.

"My _ass_ , it's not what it looks like!" you shouted. "Why are you at the hospital?!"

I couldn't find any excuses. All I knew was that I needed you to get out as fast as possible before my doctor came in. I tried so hard to push you away, but you always came back to me. I couldn't understand why. I was so terrible, so mean. Yet, before my eyes, you stood there.

"I hate you," I lied. "Go away."

"No," you said.

"Leave me alone!" I screamed.

"I can't leave you alone," you replied simply. You walked over to me and gave me a hug, burying my head in your chest. "Your face has _don't leave me_ written all over it."

You were right. I couldn't lie to you any longer. My facial expression was giving everything away. Tears poured out of my eyes rapidly. I couldn't control it. My life was like a blueprint. I always planned everything. But whenever I was in front of you, my plans seemed to get messed up. You were unpredictable after all. Who would know that you would skip the post-graduation party just because I wanted you to stay?

After I calmed down a bit, you bought a chair and sat next to the bed. "So tell me," you said. "Why are you here?"

"It's not much," I lied. "I'm just a bit sick."

You looked at me with disbelief. "I don't think you would be in the hospital if you were 'just a bit sick'."

"Really!" I said with a laugh to make myself sound more convincing. "Okay, maybe it's more than a little, but I'll just be in here for about two months."

You sighed in relief as I felt a mountain of guilt bury me. I knew that you were being considerate of me when you didn't ask what kind of disease or illness I had. You were always kind like that. I couldn't lie to you, so I told something that was somewhat true. In two months, I would be getting surgery. The doctors had been talking about it for the past half year. But… it wasn't a guarantee that I would survive. It was about a forty percent chance of success. Even if I did survive, I would most likely be very weak for the rest of my life. I wouldn't be free.

After that, every day you would visit me. You really were like a boomerang, you know. I threw you as far as I could, but you always would still bounce back. I really enjoyed the stories you told me whenever you came over. Like the one with the dragon and princess? Remember? Haha, they were hilarious, maybe a bit lame, but they always ended beautifully.

 _ **July 1, X792 (today)**_

Eighteen-years-old. My birthday.

I stopped eating since I had to get surgery tomorrow. Since my colon was getting worse, I began to feel a lot more feverish. My parents and brother kept telling me to believe, but I knew how things would end. You weren't allowed to come in since you weren't a family member, but I knew you were waiting outside. My brother told me that some weird kid with pink hair was pacing in circles outside my door. I was pretty sure that was you. You were the only guy I knew with such a distinct color of hair after all.

Even though I couldn't see you, thank you so much for coming. From here, my story ends. I hope you got all the information you wanted out of me with this. Sorry if it seemed more like a story than a letter.

I asked my brother to send this letter to the _weird pink kid_ if my surgery wasn't a success, haha. I just thought that it wouldn't be good if I never got to say goodbye to you.

I never got to say this to you in person, but _I love you_. Instead of saying sorry, I'll say _thank you_. Thank you for making me feel alive. Thank you for allowing me to see the world as a beautiful place. Thank you for never leaving me and always believing in me. Thank you for teaching me how to love myself.

You showed me that I _existed._ That I could actually make an impact in this world.

Remember the time you accidentally threw a football at my face? I really wanted to kick your face back so you knew how it felt.

Remember singing karaoke together until our throats ached? We were pretty bad singers, always off key.

Racing to see who could do the homework the fastest, running through the streets like we were the only ones in the world, walking through the noisy festival for the first time, teaching you how to ice skate, stuffing ice down your back as a prank … I won't forget any of it.

I absolutely will never forget the times we hung out together.

Hey, can you promise me one thing?

I always wanted to see the future and experience it. I wanted to grow up, go to college, have a job, get married, have kids… heck, even publish a book. It was my dream as a kid. And it looks like the seeds of the future are just about to blossom! So… watch them for me, okay? Make my dream come true for me, okay? Please? If you don't do it, I'll freaking come back and haunt you as a ghost!

Just kidding, haha. Maybe that wasn't so funny after all.

Hey… um… If Levy still remembers me, can you tell her that I was sorry? Tell her that she will always be my best friend and that I love her. Tell her I said that I was sorry for lying to her… and thank you.

I would be lying if I said that I wanted you to forget me. I would be lying if I told you that I did not have feelings for you any longer. To be honest, I really wished that I could stay with you. I wanted to live longer. Maybe just long enough to do the things I always held back to do.

Like eating a whole cake all at once by myself, for instance. I never did because I was always afraid of gaining weight.

Or squeezing all the toothpaste out of the tube. I was always afraid that my parents would freak if I did that.

Running the mile.

Throwing my brother's phone down a ten-story building.

Eating ice cream for breakfast.

Ordering the whole menu at a family restaurant.

Dating the person I loved the most.

I regretted not doing any of those, especially the last one.

I know you still have feelings for me, and it's okay. You just have to move on. After all, moving on doesn't mean forgetting what happened in the past. It means accepting what happened. I hope that someday, you'll find another girl who is better than me. Go to college, have a family, grow old, live happily… You have to do all of those things, okay? Don't bring any regrets to heaven.

This world is a paradise filled with unrecoverable things. So, Natsu. Please treasure every memory. That way, at least in your mind, there will always be a paradise to escape to.

I'm sorry that I lied to you.

I'm sorry that I swore and acted like a jerk to you.

Thank you for always believing in me.

Thank you for bringing me to life.

Thank you for showing me how beautiful this world really was.

I love you.

Goodbye.

Sincerely,

 _ **Lucy Heartfilia**_

* * *

Hello! Thank you so much for reading this story! I hope it inspired you.

~ _**Metallic Snow**_


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